obsession @ 9:26 PM

"We all need somebody to look at us. We can be divided into four categories according to the kind of look we wish to live under.

The first category longs for the look of an infinite number of anonymous eyes, in other words, for the look of the public...

The second category is made up of people who have a vital need to be looked at by many known eyes. They are the tireless hosts of cocktail parties and dinners...

Then there is the third category, the category of people who need to be constantly before the eyes of the person they love. Their situation is as dangerous as the situation of people in the first category. One day the eyes of their beloved will close, and the room will go dark..

And finally there is the fourth category, the rarest, the category of people who live in the imaginary eyes of those who are not present. They are the dreamers."

-from the novel the Unbearable Lightness of Being by Milan Kundera

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When I obsess about something, I obsess about something. Against the blue skyline, the Berkeley hills and vertical blinds, my laptop repeatedly failed (or is it the internet?) as I refreshed, refreshed, refreshed post after post of my newest latest blog addictions. I know. I really should find a more worthwhile hobby that does not involve dependence on the WWW.

From Postsecret, I bring you confessions from bus rides:
1. I make an effort to sit next to the creepiest person aboard the bus whenever I ride, in hopes that they'll do something insane and I'll have a story to tell all my friends.

2. I make a conscious effort to sit and stand next to the "creepiest" people in hopes that they will not feel like they are avoided. I hope acknowledging them as people with no differences brings a little dignity.

3. I've noticed for months now that people hardly sit next to me and when the bus fills up, I'm often the last person anyone will sit next to. Even though I don't understand why, it has had a significant effect on my self-esteem (to the point where I've brought it up in therapy).
Sitting next to me is probably one of the kindest things a stranger could do.

4. Today I sat in the back of the bus next to the one lonely person thinking about how I could possibly make their day. As soon as I sat down, they moved two seats over away from me. Some people just like sitting alone.

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Want.to.cut.my.bangs. Keep.scissors.away.from.me.

Want.to.buy.a.laptop.tablet.Keep.credit.card.away.from.me

Did not realize that I will be in Cancun by Sunday afternoon. whoa.

That is all.

Labels: contemplation, Random