5.28.2009
Hello other side of the world! @ 2:50 AMHello other side of the world!
I miss you, but not really. see you all in 80 days or so? :D
photos coming soooooon. for now, *insert picture of me here, smiliing*
sige, paalam na (woah, my tagalog is sounding sooo much bettah!)
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2:50 AM
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5.21.2009
if you could Just Let Go. @ 4:25 PM
[Capones Island, Zambales, Philippines]I'm still stuck on Mae, their lyrics, the melody...
We've got all night just to make it all right
Would you take a walk with me?
I'll give you all I've got just spare me your time
And I promise you won't want to leave
Are you, are you falling for me?
This time, we'll find what we both need
There's an old oak tree
We can swing and sway
We'll lock arms and legs (You're so far away)
When I look at you
You're so far away
Oh so far away
Oh if you could you just let go
[thanks for introducing me to this song, Bianca. I melted when they played this live.]
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This is it. I just got here, and I'm leaving again. I don't know where I ever got the idea that I'll be satisfied as an eternal traveler, a wanderer without a particular destination. I used to have these dreams of uprooting myself from one city to another, getting to know the places/people/culture and leaving just before I fall in love. It would be the safe road to never missing anything, I thought. But juggling 3 distinctly and geographically separate places, especially if you love someplace/person/thing unique about each one, it makes it impossible to look forward to leaving. I know I will feel this again in August; I can just see me on a hammock, sipping juice straight from a coconut, writing another emotional blog and hating on the feeling of nostalgia. :(
Here's to a satisfying summer. May you discover/feel whatever it is you are looking for (I'm just trying to discover home). As for me, I'll be on the other side of the world, but you know where to find me. If you search enough, I am with the whispers of the wind. :)
Labels: contemplation, Self, Vacation
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4:25 PM
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5.18.2009
Secrets @ 1:13 PMI am a very private person.
When I tell stories, I often leave out details for me to keep to myself, filed away secretly in my mind. It makes me feel like its mine- the story, the beautiful mixture of time and place, the details and emotions. Especially emotions. I have a hard time sharing the experience resulting from a combination of chemically induced feelings from within my skull. Afraid of forgetting them, (and later questioning if it ever really happened, like the tree in the forest that falls and makes no sound) I draw/write/destroy/create/paint them on my journal (my blog entries are not so private after all). I think that's where I keep my dearest thoughts, though to a foreign eye, they can never be deciphered from the way my mind flows from pen to paper.
I have become less private recently, yes. Less secretive, introverted, shy. I find myself opening up to certain people more, even sharing (oh my gosh) deep thoughts that haven't found their way into my journal. I'm keeping track of who I said what to, for the sole purpose of that someday when I might want my thoughts back. :)
Labels: contemplation, Random
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1:13 PM
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5.16.2009
Empty. @ 5:11 PM
photo from flickrI'm still rolling the dice about how I'm feeling. I wish there were fewer sides. I've always felt awkward at the end of any stage: school, summer, birthday, year, age. Especially if it involves packing, a few goodbyes, some tears. I like hellos so much more. Hello, summer! :[
Labels: contemplation
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5:11 PM
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5.15.2009
Scene 1, Scene 2 @ 12:32 AM
1st photo: My life this week has consisted of a change between two scenery. From the messy handwritten notes on my OCHEM notebook as viewed while laying on my stomach, and the clear blue sky and newly sprouted buildings while laying on my back, I don't think I have left my bed much at all. I know what you're thinking, this girl must sleep 24/7. Aye, but I do not. If I can't sleep all day, I can at least stay in bed all day. Such is the life during finals week.2nd photo: But I wish my view is of this instead, Dave Elkins of Mae, within arm's length away as it was last Saturday, all soundwaves drowned by the voice that sings so that I am caugh in suspension. Over the past few days, Mae's pulsating drums, guitar, and bass fusion have become my only satisfying auditory nourishment. :)
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Here we are, here we are,
windows down we see a shooting star.
Stop the car.
Waiting for nothing but our beating hearts, going far.
Oh, the summertime.
So feel the air, feel the air,
take the map and point to anywhere.
I don't care. Fingers through your hair,
the sky I've seen is blue and green.
Oh, the summertime.
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12:32 AM
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5.01.2009
A shot of a narcissitic case of neurosis @ 10:53 PM
My words are still-life. From observation, I paint the portraits of things that stay still long enough to make an impression. I borrow letters from colors and lines, creating some lingering silhouettes of fallacy that carve accidental three dimensional forms in someone else' nightmare-ridden mind. I could deliver lines with a perfectly slurred tendency, held back by visions of infusing tainted thoughts that were never meant to be created. When I choose my words carefully, with eyes discernible of all possible combination of mistakes, I might as well kiss truth goodbye. I may paint a vision of equilibrium, balance, even harmonic rhythms from an amalgam of words, but I can destroy the canvas just as easily.
I observe, translating what I see into spilled poetry of street signs, gray eyes, and internal rhymes. My words are pictures of stories that a twenty year old has seen, familiar and unmistakably innocent.They are shadows from 3 am hallucinations, quick glances of shirt collars and bent wrists, pen markings, and gaze collisions. They speak of songs and psalms, melodies and elegies, of things forgotten, remembered, and often barely noticed. Inescapable are the trains of lyrics that dance as smoothly as they are sung.
My words are here to stay.
Labels: contemplation, Random, Self