Relax and Recap and Relapse @ 9:54 PM

[So apparently, everyday you learn something new. Today I learned and relearned a lot. ]

The heart has so much capability to love. You can give love away and get it back as easily like a perfectly thrown boomerang. You can let go of a bunch at once, in all directions, different speeds, varying distances.

I think I'm working on trying to be more optimistic? If life can't be objective, then you might as well take the place on stage with the best view.

The music I've been listening to screams profanity and anger, "fuck this, fuck that." Half the time, I don't even know what the lead singer's screaming about. We can all be dramatic. Live in a world of misplaced, broken, mirror-imaged antonyms. Today, I choose angry music, I choose mellow living, I choose happy thoughts.

I must be losing my mind (okay, this can mean three things), and maybe it does mean three things. All I know is that
1. I'm thinking crazier than ever.
2. Someone/place/thing else is keeping my thoughts.
3. My mind is maybe trying to run away from me.


Oh, and I'm borrowing this, because it sounds like bullshit and the convincing truth both at once:

"We all have the potential to fall in love a thousand times in our lifetime. It’s easy. The first girl I ever loved was someone I knew in sixth grade. Her name was Missy; we talked about horses. The last girl I love will be someone I haven’t even met yet, probably. They all count. But there are certain people you love who do something else; they define how you classify what love is supposed to feel like. These are the most important people in your life, and you’ll meet maybe four or five of these people over the span of 80 years. But there’s still one more tier to all this; there is always one person you love who becomes that definition. It usually happens retrospectively, but it happens eventually. This is the person who unknowingly sets the template for what you will always love about other people, even if some of these loveable qualities are self-destructive and unreasonable. The person who defines your understanding of love is not inherently different than anyone else, and they’re often just the person you happen to meet the first time you really, really, want to love someone. But that person still wins. They win, and you lose. Because for the rest of your life, they will control how you feel about everyone else."

Chuck Klosterman, Killing Yourself to Live

Labels: contemplation, Music, Random, rant