1.31.2009
@ 9:33 PMAdmit it. We all dream of the perfect story to accompany the unsinkable feeling of falling in love; the idea that perhaps one day, when your child asks you how it felt, you can recall it as vividly as the laugh lines on your husband's face that trace every unforgettable moment of your existance in his life. Here is a journal entry stolen from Marilyn, on her recollection of the first moments with her first love.
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I met my first love on an educational trip to Thailand and Cambodia, in a group of twenty women and two men.
When I first met him, I was so weak that I couldn't grip my fists. Whatever I held in my hands was free to escape with the slightest struggle- my fingers could only wrap, but not hold. Being a newly-declared vegan wandering the country of Thailand can do that to you, especially when there isn't a gram of tofu in sight, and you believe that you can survive on willpower alone. I eventually gave up my search for soya in southeast asia, and instead picked up a search for his attentions: the sporadic sparkling glances, the random flirtatious advances, the warmth in his voice and eyes when we were alone, so different from the cool, aloof boy i knew when the rest of the travellers were around.
My condition worsened while in Cambodia. I ended up slumped on his arm one night, after days of exploring ancient ruined temples and a night of heavy drinking, or rather a night of gathering liquid courage. I was tired of his antics and tired of trying to survive on my own. I demanded that he prove himself to be a goddamn asshole, or choose to be my knight in nerdy-cool tourists clothes. He kissed me the next night and carried me out of the discotheque when i forgot my flipflops in my bag, which had made its own way to our hotel. I knew it, I thought to myself. In his own words, he was 'an asshole with a heart of gold'.
We slept side by side on the twenty-four hour plane back to the States. I recuperated in the land of soft medium and firm tofu in every supermarket and peanut butter at every corner store, but I found that I still needed him. There was force in my step and will in my heart, but they were not enough for me to stand on my own anymore. In his arms, I didn't pretend to be strong. I knew he'd take care of me.
I can't quite describe what it felt like, falling in love with him. Maybe like he was blending into me, like he was working the knots out of my shoulders and strengthening my spine, maybe like he stepped into my shoes and walked on my ground with me, my back melding into his chest, my arms into his arms, until at last my muscles and bones could stand of their own. But by then, I didn't them to. He was so far enmeshed in my body, my spirit, my heart. It was like a venn diagram: there was him, me, and us.
Labels: contemplation, Random
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1.30.2009
@ 6:29 PMToday was a great day.
I woke up in good spirit.
The morning weather was pleasant.
My essay due date is postponed until Wednesday.
People showed me that they care through small gestures.
I saw artworks by Rauschenburg, Dali, Miro, Matisse and others.
The bus ride to San Francisco gave me a lot of time to think about life.
I'm in a pretty good place right now. Thank you God. =)
*pictures from SF Moma trip.
The first row are clips from www.1000journals.com, a project involving people around the world. Had the chance to add my mark because visitors are allowed to draw/write/create/destruct the journal
The last row shows a big room sized screen of videos, one side a video of people talking and waving to the other video screen across from it.
Yeah. Today was good.
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1.27.2009
If Poe Was Alive Today @ 11:13 PMIf Poe was alive today,
I would accuse him of being the brain behind Dexter,
Annabel Lee would not be the title to a song by Tiger Army.
If Poe was alive today,
Fellows with beards, black coats, and a smug look might not be considered as creepy,
The raven might not be as cool of a bird,
or black cats not as scary.
If Poe was alive today, I would not have to write an essay due on Monday. But then again, where will I get my dose of sickness if Poe was alive today?
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1.16.2009
Packing @ 10:04 PMAlmost packed! I hate packing for long time destinations, yet it's a grain of sand's annoyance compared to unpacking.
For the first time in God knows how many years, I don't want to leave Long Beach. I don't know what made this break different from the other previous ones, but I feel fulfilled. Simple as that.
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1.14.2009
The Butterfly Effect @ 10:35 PMA butterfly flaps its wings along the coast of Brazil and causes a massive hurricane in Florida. The Butterfly Effect. Similar to Chaos Theory, and in ways manifested by the law of Entropy.
Now think. What have you mindlessly acted on that may have created a far more serious consequence unbeknownst to you? Think twice before you do, say, and commit.
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Took a stroll by the beach with our newly arrived Nikon P80 Hybrid.
Met a cat who lives in a cardboard box on the grassy cliff by the beach across the street from my room.
:D
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1.13.2009
Best of Wandering @ 12:44 AMWhile the word 'vacation' may instantly conjure up images of sandals, sunglasses, sunburns, and even neck-hugging cameras, let us first consider vacationem, Latin, meaning 'leisure, a being free from duty.' Did you say, free from duty?
While waiting for Eurotrip to load via Megavideo (thanks, world wide web), I made lists off the top of my head:
Five songs that scream vacationem:
1. On An Evening in Roma- Dean Martin: best heard while strolling through a jazz-filled night in Roma.
2. Island in the Sun- Weezer: for sound effects, consider crashing waves and sea gull flocks.
3. Piazza New York Catcher- Belle and Sebastian: save for a leisurely drive through coastal America
4. We Will Become Silhouettes- The Postal Service: for looking down from your hotel room balcony into the city
5. Spinning Away- Sugar Ray: replay and rewind when savoring the view of the forest after a long days' hike.
Movies:
1. The Beach: an island in Thailand
2. Under the Tuscan Sun: Tuscany, Italy
3. Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants: Mexico and Santorini, Greece
4. Lost in Translation: Tokyo, Japan
5. Duma: Saharan Africa
6. Motorcycle Diaries: South America
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1.09.2009
@ 12:55 AMIn the graph of my intrinsic progression towards that which is forthcoming, the points that can be plotted follow the line of best fit. With the overall shape taking an incline (positive, yes!), optimism is the constant and determination is the variable.
How far can one push a rock off of a cliff without losing contact and without losing grip? In considering the dire need of foresight, one cannot advance without taking a step back. This is the component that many seem to be missing. In learning to fold an origami already formed, for example, it must first be undone to be re-done.
Last blue moon, there was this tacit notion inside of me that the road ahead would be an unobstructed one. No, my friend. A detour sign doesn't mean return to where you came from. Turn around and find another way!
Labels: contemplation
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1.08.2009
@ 11:23 PMNo matter how close two people are, there is infinite distance between them.
(just something random from Dexter.)
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I will be on academic probation.
Damn.
What the hell has happened to me?
I can't point my finger to another direction. The consequences are a result of no one's actions but my own.
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1.06.2009
IT's OfFiCial @ 9:03 PMIt's official.
I am going here: (Cancun, Mexico)
and very possibly here: (Ambergris Caye, Belize)
To beachcomb, lay on the sand and see this: (Mayan Ruins)
and documenting it with this: (Nikon Coolpix P80)
and this: (Minolta SRT202)
But first, I must hit the gym. I know Cancun is a crazy place to be during spring break and as much as I'd hate to be surrounded by many college party-going prototypes, there was no other time to go.
Bianca, I know you want to make the $10 gym membership worth it. Let's hit the gym together, sistaaa! :D
Labels: Vacation